Post 4/ The Juxtaposition in Presence and Planning
days tidying : 0
# items tossed: 0
# items donated: 0
# items sold: 0
total___0___________________
$ from sold tidied goods
total_____0_________________
my tidying cost equation
(sold tidied items) - (tidying supplies cost) = net cost —> $0 - $477.27 = (-$477.27)
confidence I can complete this project
through the roof, one hundred percent!
A Friend & Mentor, Andrea. I always said I would never join in business with a friend. Say goodbye to that! Just as there is a balance between planning and spontaneity, never say never to either.
“There’s almost no point in rigid planning, because reality will always come, whether we want it to or not.” - Andrea
Hang tight with me on this one. It’s a long story, but it’s the last one in this 4 part intro. This upcoming week is meant for us to breathe and prep to start the work on October 7th. So, if you can make it through this long read, I promise I’l keep our hard work, tidying blogs short and sweet. The Preparation section below includes the items needed to be purchased and tasks you’ll need to complete this week to follow me in parallel.
Two weeks ago, I had a memorable walk with my mentor and friend, Andrea. We’ve shared a lot over the years—neighbors in both our first major metropolitan city, employed in formative jobs simultaneously, and, perhaps most bonding, our social bubble during Covid lockdown. Every time we visit Andrea and her husband, Raúl, it feels like family. Raúl always says, “It’s like we’re home.”
Andrea and Raúl run a copper shop in San Francisco, but they are so much more than their work. Andrea’s roots in Michoacán, Mexico, and Raúl’s in El Salvador give them both incredible stories of adapting with change. This week, though, it was Andrea’s personal story that struck me most.
I walked to their shop, a familiar routine from my time working downtown, reminiscing about closing up shop with them. We would drink Topo Chicos and play Mexican Monopoly into the wee hours of the morning. Just a couple of adults sharing stories around a card table of the merchandise room, Raúl and Andrea knew how to keep the party rolling. This time, though, my walk felt different—through the lens of no longer identifying with that walking route as my after—work path. Little did I know, Andrea was about to share her own new beginning.
I arrived at the shop with flowers and, of course, Topo Chicos, to find Campanita (the beloved Chihuahua) and Raúl. They were ready to send us off for some girl talk. Andrea and I left the shop and walked to Dolores Park, where Andrea opened up about losing her grandmother, a pillar in her life. She had been in a dark place in recent months and hadn’t reached out because she knew I was dealing with the emotional recovery from Jared’s alarming seizure. Our ER doctor had told us that those who witness a seizure often suffer more trauma than the person experiencing it. Andrea had seen it in my eyes, and she repeatedly emphasized that she couldn’t handle the emotions of imagining what I had gone through. We stood still on the bustling sidewalk multiple times, locking body language and eyes with each other, acknowledging the pain and change we’d both carried over the past year. The following hours were filled with empathy and shared life experience.
At Dolores park, we talked about how grief forces you to reassess everything, pushing you into unfamiliar territory. We agreed that life’s fragility had become undeniable and we each faced a new forefront of how we were making decisions. “There’s almost no point in rigid planning, because reality will always come, whether we want it to or not.” We both realized we’d changed since we last saw each other—our approach to planning, our way of showing up with intention, had shifted.
Our conversation about life’s gentle moments; that the only thing that mattered is the moment you’re in, was the only truth. I nodded in full agreement, acknowledging that Jared and I now wake up each day accepting that we may not see each other again when we leave the front door; that our plans we love may never come into fruition. And that we accept that this is A-ok. For when you love what you’re doing, then you’re already living in the present and the plan.
Yet, there’s irony or maybe hypocrisy: Jared is still on his corporate path, that naturally comes with lots of planning, and I fully support him through this. It may come off as demanding of time or may look like it doesn’t allow for much freedom. How can I agree so full—heartedly, then, that this is the right way to live when my partner, as it looks like on the surface, is in another realm? When Andrea asked this question on Jared, I knew I was ready to speak for him. The way he carries himself through that world was not a skill that came natural to me—and therefore not a place that serves me in living presently. You see, he can so confidently love and live the juxtaposition out loud, stand in those shoes, and set the example for how to live in both presence and planned spaces. Let me tell you how he sets this example of living in this juxtaposition.
Jared doesn’t let his work successes or stressors bleed into his personal life, the way I used to let them affect my confidence and everyday world. He keeps these experiences very separate, and he does it in such a healthy way. Here's an example: During our two-month trip to Europe, he launched a massive global product rollout, yet you’d barely know it happened. The week it went live, he told me he had delegated responsibilities to the proper leaders so he could fully enjoy his vacation. He set a great example for his team on the importance of using vacation time, and in fact, he’s one of the biggest users of that benefit, company wide. He does the corporate world the right way. Not once during our trip did he prioritize work over his travel, family changes, or the opportunities right in front of him. He still captures spontaneity and and protects his time, with ease. In corporate life, I didn’t manage it this way, and Andrea and I both knew that about ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong—working in corporate America felt right for me when I was in it. But Andrea and I both agreed that it didn’t come natural to us to set boundaries for when the “shop”, both literal and in our minds, should close. We both agreed we'‘ll never regret those years. While Andrea and I have found anew where we work best, that doesn’t mean Jared, or others navigating the corporate world, aren’t doing it meaningfully and well.
So here’s to living in the juxtaposition of planning and remaining present. If you can check in with yourself on a daily basis that the present moments always matter more than the occupying task, then you’ve got it, no matter the setting. I admire my husband for practicing this, even in a capitalistic driven workplace, and I know his colleagues admire this about him too. I hope just the same way his team doesn’t look at him as a corporate man climbing a fraud ladder but rather an example—setting individual that leads by not living the incentivized norm, they can too observe us as the logistics experts in running the design of our community first homes and or partnerships. That we’re not reduced to a non-traditional 9-5 ers or DIY kings and queens, but the Chief Operating Officers for our dynamic duos. That’s what Jared does with his days. He is much more creative, by the way he sets an example, than a corporate leader in a “symbolic” suit. And we do the same, but in an environment that best suits us.
So just as we all live in the gray zones of life, I ask that as we embark on this journey, that this community respect we are all nuanced, that we all have juxtapositions and so much more than meets the eye. As long as you are living by your values each day, that those values are served by what you do, and not the other way around, you’ve got it. Andrea and I realized we lost that for a while. And so we shook hands to keep ourselves accountable. And soon thereafter, I found myself shaking hands for another reason. She wants to go into business with me. Something I used to stand so firmly against with friends, was now part of my newfound juxtaposition.
So let the message of this post be this: Although planning and presence may seem to be at odds with one another, know this. When you feel the planned outcome is serving you, that it’s aligned to your values, and they allow you to live in the moment, then by gosh, I encourage you to keep living like Jared, a true rock star in this realm. Andrea and I are gonna do our best to do the same.
In the same token, although you see the template above as what you can expect from each blog, be ready to adapt to new templates for tidying and simplifying, as the need arrives. Take this template as a grain of salt.
A good friend recently asked me, “What’s your definition of ‘community first’?” I responded with, “It’s a living definition,” and “I’m still figuring it out.” I stand by that answer. While I won’t rigidly define “community first” just as I won’t rigidly define this template, take this as our starting point and know you can expect at least the intentions for the week ahead. Know these plans are as fluid and living as I hope you feel—always evolving.
As I finish writing this section, Jared and I just took our first shower at home post two months in Europe. We’re fresh in our new perspectives and I’m so ready to press play on all the physical work ahead. But first! We need some proper time to prep. Use this upcoming week (Monday, October 7 - Sunday, October 13th) to set up and kick yourself into gear. Beginning October 7th, we kick off tidying, but only by giving ourselves the upcoming week to prep your tidying space.
Preparation
Items to Purchase
Trash Bags
I’m going with Green Paper Products 13 gallon drawstring trash bag. If you’re aiming for eco-concious choices, watch for greenwashing. Apparently trash bags are an easy target for this. More on that in the next blog. [$31.46 for 24]
Cardboard Boxes
The biggest upfront cost, I’m choosing 100, 26 x 26 x 12 “ Lightweight Corrugated Boxes. This is against the grain of KonMari. In short, my goal is to minimize the usage of plastic bags and maximize the ease of stacking boxes int he car for transport and handoff to donations. [$264 with $78 and sales tax shipping = $364.60]
Floor Drop Cloth
I went this 9 x 12’ Professional Grade Drop Cloth. This will designate my working (tidying) space. This space is allowed to be in contact transition and messy. It will help designate the rest of the house’ cleanliness and order from this location. [$15.43]
Duct Tape
Since clothing is where the KonMari Method has us start, I’m using the Home Depot Multi Use Tape for all our clothing boxes. [$5.78]
Tasks To Do
Take Before and Afters of your Space
Choose and Prep Your Tidying Spot
The below items were purchased on October 6th and are totally experimental. I’ll keep you abreast in the coming blogs on how they serve me so you can see if they’ll work for you too.
