Month 2: It’s Time to Date Yourself

Feb 1

Written By Visuable

**Dating Yourself**
In the month of Valentine’s, we’re gonna date ourselves. Do you think you already have this time for yourself? Think twice.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.”
— Maya Angelou

Confidence I Can Avoid Consuming This Month

Wildly 100%.

The only thing I consumed last month, (other than the 4 categories I deemed welcome including transportation, groceries, toiletries, or a gift for another) was a glass straw that broke at home. I simply wanted to replace it. I can’t break my morning smoothie joy of sipping from my fancy, glass cup now can I. No.

I’m in awe of how easy it has been not to physically consume after I put the parameter in place. I am also in awe of how hard and fast the inner work has thrown itself at me. I’m almost scared of myself. With no physical distractions, I have to face em’. So it’s time to go on some dates with myself!

Month Two: The Noise Has Shifted

This month, I had two mental health days. I felt completely stuck. By mid-afternoon on both of these weekend days, I found myself in a catatonic state. Staring at the ceiling felt just as useful as doing anything else. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything “useful” because nothing felt like it was moving my life the way I wanted it to. Or, even worse, anything I did was just a distraction. The strange part? My days hadn’t started in this mental state. In fact, one thing I’m most proud of building is a new morning routine. And both of my mental health days had this one thing missing, what I’m calling, my morning Sacred Time.

Step 1: Start with Sacred Time

Our alarm goes off at 6:15, and our fancy sunrise lamp begins its slow glow, mimicking the soft rise of the sun. The song lyrics prompt me to kiss Jared on the cheek as my first action of the day. It’s a small way to return all the butterfly kisses he has given me over the years. I roll back to my sleepy spot and my heart rests. Laying there, a million tasks come to mind. “What do I need to get done today?” or “Shit, what was that last to-do item I couldn’t finish yesterday?!”. They show up. BUT. I’ve built this time, this Sacred Time, with the intention to NOT think about life. Here’s what I also know. When a million adulting thoughts run through my head in this first, precious, conscious moment of the day. There’s an indulgent just 10 more minutes return to bed in the books. I rise out of bed without burdens AND a carrot on the other end.

I roll out of the covers, pull on my plush robe, rinse my mouth, and shuffle into the kitchen to start the tea. I stand in the quiet, watching the water heat, tapping my fairy house lights on, and gaze out at the snow-covered roads. The school bus rounds the corner, picking up its first batch of bundled-up kids. Time passes as I stare at the steam begin to hiss, eyes still glazed over but comfy and proud of being upright in the stillness. Two teas in hand, I shuffle back to bed, where Jared and I spoon in these last moments of morning glory. White noise hums in the background as our fake sunrise continues to glow. When we finally, wormishly push ourselves up to sit, we sip in silence and our eyes get lost in the rising light. When the white noise fades and our clock begins its built-in gong chimes at 7:00 (like we’re in some mountaintop retreat) we finally rise our selves. It’s a slow, intentional way to wake up. It feels like a tiny love story unfolding each morning.

Once Jared gets up, I crawl to the foot of the bed for my 10 minute meditation until 7:15. Which, by the way, The Way meditation app is ahhhh-mazing for this. It’s my shifting moment to let the last bit of morning stillness settle in. After this, and only then, do I allow the “to-do” to welcome itself.

It’s worth noting that at the beginning of the month, and at the initiation of this new routine idea, I used to find myself making it "productive". I’d put away dishes, wipe down counters, or fold towels. Anything “useful” I could squeeze in during my first 5 minutes of being awake, while waiting for the tea to hiss. Looking back, I think, “what a waste of peace!” But not anymore. The “to-do” list will always be waiting. Nothing, absolutely nothing for this Sacred Time, my hour, interrupts just being with me.

Presenting: New You Noise

I thought my white noise mornings would fix everything. The fake sunrise. The peaceful, unrushed start. I truly was finally understanding why morning people love mornings. With ego and pomp, I had convinced myself I was beginning to unlock the secret to balance. Our home was simplified, our routines were in place, and my body was feeling strong after burning off the last banana cream pie from Christmas. Yet, by the end of the month, after many days of this practice, I still collapsed. So why, even with everything set up, did I hit a wall? And why am I still telling you to create your own Sacred Time?

Sacred Time helps me start the day right, but it doesn’t solve what came next. My days stretched out before me, empty and without distraction. Depression runs in my family, and while I’m aware of my predisposition, this felt different. With a clean slate, no clutter, no consumption, no maintenance, just time, I was forced to confront the big question: What am I doing with my days?

For over a year, I’ve entertained every possibility. Returning to corporate life, starting a business, working for my dad, going back to school, even running off to save the whales. The options are endless, not without privilege, and the clarity I expected from a simplified life didn’t come. Instead, my “white noise” mornings introduced a new kind of noise, what I’m calling the New You noise. With all this space, I’m finally face to face with myself. This is what we wanted, right?

What Does New You Noise Sound Like?

Without consumption as an easy dopamine hit, I started to wonder if my previous job had filled the same void. If you think about it, we are paid to produce and consume. Work provides structure, rewards, and external validation, which can be other forms of the production and consumption cycle. I haven’t had a steady job in over a year, by choice, but without work and many days on my own, all I had left was myself. That landed me in those pathetically paralyzing moments of trying to make something of myself, by entertaining every possible direction, but moving nowhere.

By mid-month, the urge to consume had faded faster than I expected. In its place was something louder, my internal noise. No impulse purchases, no home projects, no job, and, frankly, no clear sense of purpose. I had removed the distractions, only to be left with the question I had been avoiding. I had been answering it with every possibility in the world: What do I actually want to do with my days?

Now don’t get me wrong, this month was not without stress. Global events weighed heavy, family matters were complicated, and political shifts directly affected the safety of my loved ones. But if I blamed my mental paralysis on external factors, I would only be telling half the truth. The real shift was in the silent external space and the chaotic inner space, questioning anything and everything, all at once. With physical consumption and clutter removed, I was left with nothing to hide behind. I was not sure how to sit with that version of myself, only with my mind, just yet.

I found myself face to face with myself, much sooner than expected. The level of analyzing my thoughts and patterns, not to mention constantly asking what I’m doing with my life, is completely overwhelming. We’ve all been here. But with the added layer of all the unnecessary physical things that fill your physical space tidied and simplified and internal production assumptions simplified, the inner work is so brazenly staring you, almost screaming you, in the face. The chaotic mind amongst this stillness might hurt and utterly confuse us, but you’re here. It’s the place we’ve been trying to reach when we started this whole thing, remember?

To help navigate this, I still recommend creating a morning routine that is purely for you. No tasks, no productivity, no goals, just time protected to be.

But that is only part one.

I believe the internal reckoning of the good consequences of a simpler space led to my mental health days. And without a solid morning routine, it’s hard to imagine how much messier they would have been. And that puts this in a much nicer light than the truly pathetic and indulgent, wasteful days they were, loathing in my “lostness” and pining over something I used to have. Ugh, I disappoint myself, looking back. But I embrace that version of me, too. She needs to love and let go of her old self in order to let in the new. Which brings me to my next challenge for us in month two. Part two: Go on two dates with yourself. The self you want to be. The aim? Learning you and with the goal to be able to make better decisions for that you.

Step 2: Date Yourself

This month’s challenge is simple. Take yourself on two solo dates. Not a routine walk, not an errand, not a podcast over breakfast. Set aside intentional, exploratory space with yourself.

Work, obligations, and even mindless consumption can fill the void of simply being. And I know most of my readers have full time jobs. I’m happy for you! I’m currently trying to find the right kind of work for myself. But maybe instead of your usual weekend or off time routines, this time, try something new. Ask yourself, would I enjoy spending time with me, in this way, today? If the answer is no, what small shifts would make it a yes? Go try those new things, with just yourself.

We’ve cut the physical noise, post tidying. Now, just two months into the Lesser Consumption journey, we’re tackling the internal noise, the New You noise. Go get familiar with it. It is time to start dating yourself. See if you like spending time with YOU!

Your Challenge:

Schedule and write down two solo dates for February in your calendar.
Plan them like real dates. Choose an outfit and pick two things you have never done alone before.
Share your plans with a friend or family member for accountability.
Follow through.

📌 Your homework: Download and print the Dating You printable and keep it visible. When you feel stuck, use it as a reminder that you have two dates with yourself waiting.

Next month, we will reflect on what we discover. Until then, keep up the work of consuming less and maybe, just maybe, get a little gift for your future Valentine — you on the other side of this.